Understanding and Addressing Emotional Changes in Children After a Cancer Diagnosis
An Emotional Journey
When a child is diagnosed with cancer, it is not only a physical journey they embark on but an emotional one as well. In this labyrinth of complex feelings, fear, sadness, anger, guilt, isolation, and confusion often emerge. As parents and caregivers, understanding these emotions and knowing how to address them can provide invaluable support for your child during this challenging time. For the child, these emotions may come all at once, in waves, or may flow into each other. The words we use to name emotions don’t quite match the feelings, but maybe some sense of clarity and distinction can help us help the children we care for regain their sense of balance.
Fear
Fear is a common reaction to a cancer diagnosis. This fear can stem from the unknown—the unfamiliar hospital environment, the treatment process, or the side effects they might experience. It could also originate from worries about missing school or not being able to keep up with their friends. Addressing this fear involves creating an atmosphere of trust and openness. Encourage your child to voice their fears and ask questions. Offer simple, honest answers that are age-appropriate, ensuring they feel informed but not overwhelmed.
Sadness
Sadness often shadows a child with cancer, mourning for the loss of normalcy or their previous life without illness. They might feel upset about missed activities, friendships that have changed, or alterations in their appearance due to treatment. When addressing sadness, acknowledging their feelings is crucial. It’s okay to be sad and miss the way things were. Encourage your child to express their feelings through different mediums—art, music, or storytelling. Reassure them that it's perfectly okay to have days when they feel down.
Anger
Anger can arise when children grapple with the injustice of their situation. It can manifest as irritation, tantrums, or rebellious behavior. To address anger, it's important to validate their feelings—being angry is a natural response. Ensure they know that their anger is not bad or wrong, and it's not directed at them, but at the situation. Provide safe outlets for their anger, such as physical activity or creative projects. Teach them calming techniques, like deep breathing or visualization, to help manage their emotional outbursts.
Guilt
Guilt is an emotion that can unexpectedly surface. Children might believe they did something to cause the cancer or may feel guilty for the worry and stress they perceive their illness has caused the family. Addressing guilt involves clear and consistent reassurance that they are not at fault. Regularly remind them that cancer is not a punishment, and it's no one's fault. Reinforce that everyone's sole focus is their health and recovery, and there's no room for blame in this journey.
Isolation
Isolation can loom large for a child with cancer. They might feel set apart from their peers, as the experiences they're going through are different from most children their age. They may also feel isolated because they can't participate in the same activities they once did. To address feelings of isolation, keep them connected with their friends and the outside world as much as possible. Facilitate virtual hangouts, encourage letter-writing, or invite friends for visits if health permits. Maintain their involvement in school and extra-curricular activities as much as possible, even in a remote or adjusted capacity.
Confusion
Confusion can also arise, especially for younger children who might not fully understand what's happening. They might feel disoriented with the change in routines or puzzled about why they have to undergo treatments. Addressing confusion requires explaining the situation to them in age-appropriate language. Use simple, reassuring language to describe their condition and the necessity of treatments. Picture books or children’s stories about illness can be helpful tools to aid understanding.
Supporting your child's emotional well-being is not a one-size-fits-all task. Each child's experience and emotional responses can vary significantly. Remember, it's okay to seek professional help if your child's emotions seem overwhelming or if you feel out of your depth. Psychologists, psychiatrists, and licensed counselors can provide valuable support for both you and your child.
The emotional landscape of a child dealing with cancer is complex, with different emotions intersecting and overlapping. As caregivers, recognizing and understanding these emotions are the first steps. The next is to address each emotion with validation, reassurance, and a bit of creativity, ensuring the children we care for feel seen, heard, and supported every step of the way.